Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Roller Coaster: A Toronto Blue Jays 2009 Season Review

April 6 - Opening Day win against the Tigers. Adam Lind with 6 RBIs! This Jays team doesn't look like they will suck after all.

April 9 - First big league win for Ricky Romero, giving up 2 ER and striking out 5 in 6 innings. The Jays also win their first series. Troy Tulow-who?

April 13 - The Moonraker belts 2 moonshots off the Twins, including the game winning dinger in the 8th. The way this kid is belting them, there's no way he will get sent down!

April 21 - Doc proves he's human by giving up 5 ER against the Texas Rangers. Texas seems to be one of those teams that gives him trouble from time to time. Let's not even talk about the Kevin Mench incident.

April 23 - BJ Ryan, suffering from crappy pitcher syndrome, hits the DL. Ricky Romero joins him with strained an oblique after a vicious sneeze

April 26 - Ladies and gentlemen, the Blue Jays are for real! They are an offensive juggernaut and has been smacking the leather off the ball. Doc picks up his 4th win and the Jays go on to open up the season with their 6th straight series win. PENNANT!!1 and PLAYOFFS!!1 can be seen on Blue Jays blogs everywhere.

May 2 - The Jays beat the Orioles pushing them to first place in the AL East. Who said the Jays couldn't beat AL East teams? Granted it was the Orioles...but whatever. PENNANT!!1

May 10 - Brett Cecil just got his first major league win with a very Doc-like line:
8 IP, 5 H, 2 BB, 0 ER, 6 K

May 12 - Burnett facing the Jays at the Rogers Centre Skydome for the first time since he fled for more money. Doc dominates the Yanks in one of the most memorable and emotional nights at the dome.

May 15 - BJ is back :(

May 18 - Rios drives in the game-winning run via triple against the White Sox. I bet the White Sox really wish they had this guy.

May 21 - The Jays get swept by the Red Sox at Fenway. Six more games left in the road trip. It's okay, we'll just walk into Camden and sweep the Orioles again, right?

May 22 - With exception of the two moonshots, Snider hasn't exactly done a whole lot. He gets sent down to Vegas to smash some AAA balls.

May 22 - Doc goes into Atlanta to try to get the Jays back on the right track. No dice as the offence comes up empty for him. They got shut down by Kenshin Kawakami (Who?)

May 27 - Can this road trip be any longer? We just lost our 9th straight on the road to the motherfuckin Orioles! The city of Toronto has blocked off the Prince Edward Viaduct as the suicide watch is on high.

May 29 - The Jays welcome back the home cooking and beat the Red Sox 6-3 as Casey Janssen picks up his first win of the season. The team could have only gotten stronger after that road trip. We back, baby! WILDCARD!!1

June 2 - Roy Halladay, MD with a nails performance., striking out a career high 14 batters for his 9th win. GIVE THIS MAN THE CY YOUNG!

June 4 - "You're a bum! You're a bum!" I originally pegged this as a negative movement on the graph but who am I kidding, it provided me and my friends a shitload of Alex Rios jokes and "Who gives a fuck?! Who gives a fuck?!" is a still alive and well.

June 5 - The Jays smacked "the best pitcher in baseball" around like a pimp does his disobedient hooker. Greinke gives up 5 ER in 5 IP...if only it wasn't for that error.

June 6 - The Jays draft 2 Canadian kids with their first 3 picks. These guys must be thrilled to play in Canada. Do they just sign on the dotted line?

June 7 - Another one bites the dust as Jesse Litsch goes in for Tommy John.

June 7 - Roy Halladay with another complete game. This time a shut out against the Royals. I hope you were paying attention, Greinke. Doc just won his 10th and is on pace for like 30 wins! 20 will come, no problem.

June 12 - Doc leaves the Marlins game with a sore groin...everything's going to be okay right? I'm scared...and cold...somebody hold me.

June 16 - Scott Downs go down after trying to beat out a throw to first against the Phillies. Well there goes our lights out closer...where the hell are my fantasy baseball saves going to come from now? Fuck interleague play!

June 20 - The 2 biggest douches show up on a road trip against Washington basically making every game in the series unwatchable. The American audience loves them and they get even more publicity out of it. Seriously, this better not lead to them being on TV more...

June 27 - Jayson Werth goes 4/4 with 2 dingers. Why does it seem like he kills us every time we face him? The Jays need to sign this guy.

June 29 - Doc is back but loses to the Rays. Tampa Bay seem to be Doc's Kryptonite.

July 1 - Happy Canada Day! Ricky Romero shuts out the Rays for a Canada Day victory. Rookie of the year, anybody?

July 6 - We lose 3 of 4 to the Yankees in the windtunnel to drop us to .500.

July 7 - Ken "I need to shut my fuckin mouth" Rosenthal reports that JP is shopping Doc.
1. JP did not say that.
2. Fuck off, Rosenthal.

July 8 - No more BJ as the Jays release the shitballing lefty. You hear that? That's the sound of BJ taking $15 million to the bank.

July 19 - Amidst all the trade talk, Doc throws a 6 hit, complete game gem against the Red Sox. That ovation is for you, Roy.

July 21 - Scott Downs starts his string of very shitacular relief appearances. In this 5-game span, you will see him blow 2 saves and pick up 3 losses, giving up 6 ER in 5.2 innings. Downs is then found tied up in the clubhouse and we find out it was BJ Ryan pitching all along.

July 24 - Doc's "last" start. A great effort but he could only get the no decision. Jays end up losing to the Rays AGAIN. Seriously, I hate Carl Crawford!

July 25 - Seriously? The Jays blow a 8-0 lead? To the fuckin Rays? I'm seriously hating this team as much as I do the BoSox and Yankees right now...The Jays, not the Rays.

July 31 - Scott Rolen bids farewell. I will miss having this guy at the hot corner but all the "experts" seem to think the Jays made out like bandits on the deal. Long live the GBOAT!

Aug 4 - A very uncharacteristic performance from Doc, giving up back to back jacks in the windtunnel to the Yanks. Doc has 1 win in his last 8 starts. How is this possible?!

Aug 5 - BJ Ryan is released by the Cubs. Looks like a 84 MPH heater isn't in high demand these days.

Aug 7-9 - Back 2 Back weekend, baby! The Jays season might not have been great but this weekend is a celebration, bitches! Joe Carter! Robbie Alomar! Paul Molitor! Catch the taste!

Aug 10 - So long, Alex. Rios has been claimed off of waivers. Surely, he'll thrive in a new environment, right? We will always have "Who gives a fuck?!"

Aug 17 - Jays can't sign our Canadian draft picks. Can we hang Paxton and Eliopoulos for treason?

Aug 18 - Travis Snider gets called back up and immediately impresses going 2/3 and blasting a solo shot. Unfortunately it was in a losing cause but hey, at least he got his kinks worked out!...I hope

Aug 31 - Cooperstown is getting ready for Adam Lind as he gets 8 RBIs in a game. Wow.

Sept 1 - Scott Rolen is no longer the GBOAT as it turns out he hates Canada. I can't believe I wanted to share fossil fries with you.

Sept 4 - Harry Leroy Halladay III 1 hits the Yankees in another dominant complete game. Best pitcher in the league, bar none.

Sept 15 - "What have I seen from Rios? A lot of outs. The only batting ninth guy making $5 million was me. This mother [bleeper] is making $10, $12, $14 million, he ain't going to be batting ninth [in 2010]. I'm going to make sure he earns his money. But right now I have to put him there because he's struggling. Next year, if we have Rios batting ninth we're in deep [crap] once again.''
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! Jorge Posada is a dickhead. Jesse Carlson is a badass. Rock that welt with Pride, Jesse.

Sept 21 - David Purcey gets his first win this season. About fuckin time. I had high hopes for him too. He was even on my fantasy team at one point! There's always next year...

Sept 23 - Lighthouse Hill is truly the bright spot in this dark season. Hill gets his 100th RBI in walk off fashion. Does this guy do anything normally?

Sept 25 - Doc's possible last home game and he doesn't disappoint. Another complete game, another shut out. Can we just give him the Cy Young now?

Sept 29 - Adam Lind goes beast mode again and hit 3 HRs. Would have hit 4 if it wasn't for Asswipe Papelbon.

Sept 30 - Doc has Lind's back as he beans Ortiz (god, I love this video). Just another day at the office as Doc notches his 4th(!!!) complete game (a 3 hitter) this month and 2nd(!!!) shut out in as many starts. WE LOVE ROY HALLADAY!

Oct 2 - It appears that there is turmoil in the clubhouse yet again. I thought Gibbons took that with him when he left. Oh yeah, fuck off Ken Rosenthal.

Oct 3 - JP sent packing. Along with the bad, he has also done a lot of good things for the Jays but after 8 years, it was time for a change. Everybody knew it. I wish Alex Anthopoulos the best and hope he can maintain a competitive team next year. There really is nowhere to go but up from this clusterfuck of a season.


This season has definitely had its share of ups and downs. I can't think of a better comparison than a roller coaster. While we hit high points like Doc having some unbelievable lights out performances and the emergence of Aaron Hill and Adam Lind, we have also hit low points like the 9 game losing streak, Cito-gate and Kevin Millar batting clean up. Regardless of the ups and downs, as Jays fans we hung on for the ride til the very end.