Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Lucky 13: My Most Hated NHLers

Since everybody loves a good list, on the 13th of every month I will compile a list of my top 13 whatever-comes-to-minds.

While watching the Leafs getting routed, I had a great idea for a list but I figured I should do my 13 most hated NHLers instead because starting off with a list of 13 ways to kill yourself may be a bit morbid.

Now there are some notable retired guys like Claude Lemieux, Ulf Samuelsson, Jeremy Roenick, etc missing from the list but that's because I'm only doing active players.

SI Player Poll's Dirtiest Player

#13 - Steve Ott

Make no mistake about it, Steve Ott is a shit disturber. His job is to get under your skin and he is great at it but there's a fine line between being a pest and being a dirty player. Steve Ott charges, hits high and gouges eyes. As with most pests nowadays, he only drops mitts against lesser opponents and turtles anytime he is confronted by a heavyweight.

Certified Douchebag Moment:

You don't see it, but he gouges the eyes of Moen in this fight. I would guess it happens at the 0:34 mark when you see Moen kicking his feet.


#12 - Alex Burrows

From pulling hair in a fight to hitting a summer rec league goalie in the face I simply don't know how anybody aside from annoying Canucks fans can like this guy.

Certified Douchebag Moment:

Hair pulling commences at the 1:23 mark.

Here is Blake celebrating what is probably the 2nd goal in a 8-2 loss

#11 - Jason Blake

Now I hated this guy when he was on the Islanders so you can imagine how I felt when we signed him long-term. He was always a bit of an after-the-whistle agitator, a puck hog and an excessive celebrator. As much as I hated him as an Islander, at least he scored for them. If I see him take a shot into the opposing goalie's chest one more time...

Certified Douchebag Moment:

Just so you know, it's okay to pass to the guys in blue.

The reverse Thomas-Missile

#10 - Tim Thomas

Now I really shouldn't hate on Tim Thomas. I mean, he's such a feel good story. A career minor leaguer who finally gets his big break and ends up winning a Vezina? Disney, I'm sure you'll want to pick up the rights on this. But when Thomas isn't busy doing his best Ron Hextall impression (acting like a tough guy until Felix Potvin breaks your face) or participating in the 100m dash after losing in OT, he is busy launching his body at opposing players.

Certified Douchebag Moment:

I'm still not sure why there wasn't a penalty on this play...

For 4 easy payments of $9.99, you can get your own Alex the ragdoll today!

#9 - Alexei Kovalev

Alexei Kovalev possesses a great shot and has possibly the best hands in the NHL but lacks the heart to put it all together. The way he turns it on and off makes him one of the most frustrating players to watch. Remember when there were talks of him being traded to the Leafs?

Certified Douchebag Moment:

Go Habs Go!

Mike Ribeiro must be part Chinese because I haven't seen diving this good since Beijing

#8 - Mike Ribeiro

Sure Ribeiro is crazy good at shoot outs but he's also the biggest diver in the league. This is actually embarassing to watch and is a total disgrace to the game. And what the hell happened to I before E except after C when spelling his name?

Certifed Douchebag Moment:

The cleanest player in the NHL joins the cleanest team in the NHL

#7 - Chris Pronger

Captain elbows, as sleza likes to call him, doesn't have eight suspensions to his name for being squeaky clean. Unfortunately, he doesn't just use his elbows and he will resort to cheap shots, kicks and even stomps to make sure he gets some time off from the rink and some one-on-one time with the local reporters.

Certified Douchebag Moment:

Here's Pronger's audition tape for the role in Saw.


#6 - Todd Bertuzzi

He was once known as one of the most dominant power forwards in the NHL and now he is probably known as one of the biggest goons in the NHL. Sure it might be unfair to label him after one incident but the bad spotlight he has put on the league is still hurting us and detractors will always use this one incident as why the NHL is a violent product.

Certified Douchebag Moment:

Does this really come as a surprise to anyone?

Why does it seem like everybody with Napoleon Complex plays in the NHL?

#5 - Jordin Tootoo

Tootoo made a name for himself nailing players in the World Junior's years back and now he's making a name for himself as a cheapshot artist in the NHL.

Certified Douchebag Moment:

Jordin Tootoo taking a page out of the Flyers playbook.

Esa Tikkanen 2.0 - Now with more biting power

#4 - Jaarko Ruutu

When I think of Finland, I think of their line of NHL goalies, Selanne's awesomeness and man-purse wielding wannabe NHLers. I seldom think of pesky turtlers who have cannibal tendencies.

Certified Douchebag Moment:

Tastes like chicken.

Ring my Bell

#3 - Daniel Alfredsson

From mocking the Sundin stick incident to intentionally firing the puck at Niedermayer, Alfredsson sure has a number of d-bag moments. I think there's only one that fits the bill in every Leafs fans' eye though.

Certified Douchebag Moment:

This just made the series win that much sweeter.

Chris Neil trying to retract his head back into his shell

#2 - Chris Neil

Words cannot describe how much I despise this guy. I can't stop watching this.

Certified Douchebag Moment:

I love it when he clutches his face at the end.

Reunited and it feels so goooood

#1 - Sean Avery

I have a hard time picking just one

Certified Douchebag Moment:

Marty should have Belfour'd him.

Well, there you have it. Agree of disagree, let me know your thoughts. Who'd I leave out? Who do I have that doesn't belong on here? Who is possibly more douche-ier than Avery?