The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Ladies and gentlemen, the Burke era is officially here. There was no holding back, he came out guns blazing. These are the type of deals that us Leafs fans have only heard of...the deals we were expecting last trade deadline and this past draft. While we came away disappointed on both those occasions, he really made our heads turn with this one.

Like everybody else, I was completely caught off guard by the news of these deals. I stayed up until the morning watching Federer do his thing so I was still in bed when the trades went down. It was around 11:30. I feel a slight vibration (get your mind out of the gutter, you perv) and my eyes slowly opened. I just got a text message from my buddy and it read "Brian Burke is a genius!" I sprung out of bed and turned on my computer. Twitter was blowing up with activity. Who did we get? Who is gone? A day later and I can finally wrap my head around this. Sure, there's a lot of good in these two deals but like with most things, there's some bad and some ugly too.

The Good

• Elisha Cuthbert - One of the key components to this trade. The one edge Ottawa has had on us was the celebrity girlfriend factor. This pretty much gives us the upper hand in the battle of Ontario.
  

• Getting a competent goalie - Our biggest weakness this season has been our goaltending by far. With Giguere, we get a goalie that has taken his team to the Stanley Cup finals twice and came away with some hardware both times...even when he lost the series! Giguere's performance in the 2003 playoffs was one of the most clutch performances I have ever seen by a goalie. While it would be delusional to expect that same goaltender from the past, he is still miles above Toskala and at this very moment, probably a better choice than The Monster too.

• The Kids Get to Play! - We lost a goalie (if you can call him that), a defenceman and four forwards. In return we got back a goalie, a defenceman and only one forward. That opens up three forwards spots! Come on down, Hanson and Stalberg!...unfortunately Wallin will probably be filling in that last spot.
  
  
• Draft Schmaft - We essentially gave up two first round picks for Kessel and Phaneuf. Two players with star potential under the age of 25? I don't think too many GMs would shake their head at that
  
  
• #1 Centre - We are giving Matt Stajan the chance to flourish into a #1 centre that we all knew he would someday be...with Calgary! /snickers
  
  
• WE GOT SOMETHING OF VALUE FOR JASON BLAKE AND VESA TOSKALA!!! I NEVER THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD COME

The Bad

• Moustachulence - Losing this epic moustache
  
  
• High Risk - At $6.5M per season, Phaneuf is definitely a big risk. I know we all have our fingers crossed that he will not be the second coming of Bryan McCabe. Here's hoping that a change of scenery is what he needs to go back to his Norris candidate form.
  
  
• More Defence? - With almost $23M invested in our d (not including Finger's terrible contract), it will be an embarrassment if we don't improve next season. The top four of Kaberle, Phaneuf, Beauchemin and Komisarek does make me giddy...but of course I said the same thing earlier this season but with Schenn instead of Phaneuf.
  
  
• Hope - Okay, this is normally a good thing but not when you thought everybody else was giving up on this team and you wanted to get good tickets for cheap! With this new found hope, fans will be filling the seats to see Phaneuf in action. Thanks, Burke!
  

• Piritta Hannula -Or Niklas Hagman's wife as you probably know her. Sure, we get Elisha Cuthbert but I have to admit that I'm a bigger fan of Hagman's wife. Especially since she's not tainted by Sean Avery. Oh, Piritta. You will be missed.
  

The Ugly

DION PHANEUF
DA DAAAAAAA DA-DA-DA
DION PHANEUF
DA DA-DA DA

There is no denying that Dion Phaneuf is one of the ugliest human beings on this planet

One of these things do not belong in this picture
Motivation for ugly dudes. Get good in hockey. This is what $6.5M a year can nab you

The Muskoka Fiveheads
Dion's forehead compared with four other notoriously gargantuan foreheads.
Only Christina Ricci has him beat!

Inspired by words from our very own WAC
"He looks two steps behind on an evolution chart."
Looks like she nailed it

The Real Story Behind Toskala's Injury

So as you may or may not have heard, I won tickets to Monday night's Leafs and Rangers game. The contest was hosted by EA Sports to promote their new Be A GM Mode in NHL10. I got to fly down to New York with the team and sat in the manager's box to watch the game with Burkie. Well, you saw the game. It was a complete shit show and Burke definitely wasn't happy about it. After the game, Burke took me down to the dressing room. I'm glad I brought my camera because you would have never believed me if I told you what happened.

"Hey Vesa, great game today.
I know we didn't get the win but it wasn't your fault.
You put together a solid effort!
I saw you go down in the 2nd. How are you feeling?"

"Thanks, Mr. Burke. I was a little sore earlier but it's no big deal. I'm ready to play again tomorrow!
I bet you already regret signing The Monster with me in net"

"...Are you sure you can play tomorrow?
Are you sure you're not hurt?
I don't know...your groin, maybe?
We should get you checked out in case."

"No need, sir. I'm feeling fine.
I'm just going to go down to 5th Ave. and do some shopping. I'll be as good as new after a good night's sleep.
Hey, who is tha...."

"Vesa, I'd like you to meet my new free agent signing, The Bear Jew. You two will be roommates on the road. I'm sure he'll take good care of you"

"Huh? Where am I?
What are you doing with that duct ta..."

"HMMMM!!!
MMMMPPPPHHHH!!!"

Fresh Ice

Ladies and gentlemen, if I can get you to look at that little light and wait for the flash

I know most of the Barilkosphere will be blogging about Vesa Toskala's ECHL calibre performance last night but I won't. I'm all about optimism this year. Let's take a look at what we have to look forward to. With the preseason all wrapped up, it's only a matter of days until the regular season is upon us. Let's forget about the JFJ years, let's forget about last season, let's forget about Vesa Toskala's abysmal preseason stats; come Thursday, we will have a new start. As LD so eloquently puts it, "Fresh ice, fools!"

In fine Tyler Bozak fashion, let's take a look at seven things to look forward to in this 2009-10 Leafs' season.
The Seventh Samurai, Tyler Bozak

Not only does Bozak have a sick nick name (post coming in a near future) but the guy has skills. Just check out this shorthanded goal against the Bruins. From watching him in the preseason, it is clear why there were so many team interested in his duties. Bozak is a hardworking hockey player with smart hockey sense. He can do it all. He can play on the powerplay, can kill penalties and he's defensively sound for a rookie. Ron Wilson even put him on the point on some powerplays because he can be trusted back there. Sure, the shorty he scored was great but it wasn't even my favourite highlight of his this preseason. This was. While Bozak will most likely start the season with the Marlies, I have a feeling he likely won't end the season with the Marlies. Viktor Stalberg Telling the Marlies to Fuck Off

Stalberg was a dark horse to make the club coming into training camp but he played his ass off this preseason and boy can he play. He racked up 6 goals this preseason to go along with 2 assists for 8 points in 8 games (this is purely going by my memory so please correct me if the stats are wrong). Sure, these are preason stats but it's hard not to get a raging boner just watching him play. Stalberg looks like a player who can make something out of nothing the way he can turn on the jets and cut through the opposing team's defence. I'm glad he got a spot on the team and it was well deserved. This guy will be a stud in the NHL. Nazem Kadri back with London

Don't get me wrong, Kadri had a good preseason but he wasn't dominant by any means. Having him back in London can only do good things for his development, especially when it comes to adding some size to his frame. He was simply too easy to knock off the puck along the boards. Kid's got a shitload of talent though and will be a dominant playmaker for many years to come. Phil Kessel's Return

Was last year's 36 goal season a product of Marc Savard's passes or is Kessel the dynamic sniper we've been lacking since...Rick Vaive? Only time will tell but I have a feeling that last season was no fluke. With Kessel already starting his on ice work outs, the anticipation for his first start is growing steadily. Luckily, we should have him in November, when it matters. I'm glad we got him locked up long term. Can you say Kadri to Kessel? /splurt

The Monster, Jonas Gustavsson

Okay I didn't want to bring it up but Toskala looked completely hopeless this preseason. I've never seen scoring come so easily since the time I slipped roofies into...uhh...since we had Andrew Raycroft in net...yeah, that's it! Luckily Burke hauled in the Monster from Sweden this offseason. While we've only seen him play 3 periods of preseason hockey, he was flawless, even extending one of his tentacles to make this stop on a 2 on 0. I was already a believer when his name first appeared on the Leafs' radar, solely based on his SEL stats. After seeing him play, I have no doubt in my mind that he will supplant Toskala as the starter and will be one day mentioned in the same breath as past goalies like Johnny Bower, Felix Potvin, Curtis Joseph, Ed Belfour, etc. Donnybrooks

I love a good hockey fight and we're guaranteed to see a lot of them this season. The Leafs threw down 18 times this preseason. I believe the league average was around 0.60 scraps a game last year. Truculence will soon be the most searched term on google. PLAYOFFS!!!1

While we're still far from a Stanley Cup team, the pieces are there and the puzzle is starting to fill up. After four years without any playoff hockey, I'm glad that we will be returning to the post season this year. That's right, I said it. You better book a seat now because the bandwagon is filling up.

The Times, They Are A-Changin'

Typical sight at the ACC come the 2009-10 season

The number seven is a strange number. There are seven days in a week; seven wonders of the world, seven deadly sins; why is nine scared of seven? Because seven, eight, nine (rimshot) Seven days is also the number of days it took Brian Burke to alter the identity of the Leafs from the 08-09 cottenelle soft edition to the 09-10 "pugnacious, testosteroneous, truculent, belligerent" edition. Over those seven days Burke signed two of the more sought after free agent defencemen in Komisarek and Beauchemin and traded for a sandpaper warrior in Exelby (though I'm still not a big fan of the deal) giving us a three-headed monster on D. On top of that, he signed a human meat tenderizer in Colton Orr! Sure, we won't get a ton of goals from those guys but let's not forget we scored 250 goals last year without a big name threat (which ties us for sixth in the Eastern conference) while our goals against was dead last in the entire NHL. I'm sure that number will improve drastically with our newly acquired three-headed monster.

Speaking of monsters...

The Monster seen trampling through Montreal before arriving in Toronto

After going 0 for 2 when it came to signing highly coveted Swedes, we were finally due ours! The Monster was landed on the seventh day and he comes with sparkling numbers from across the Atlantic (1.96 GAA and .932 Save % in the regular season and even more impressive numbers in the playoffs). Yes, I know that the NHL is a different game, but the Swedish Elite League is nothing to scoff at. I gotta say, I've never been so excited about an acquisition of a player I've never seen play!

With the new and improved defence corps, I don't see too many teams willing to venture out past centre ice, and with the Monster in net, we won't have to worry about them beating Toskala's glove hand from the red line.

The times are definitely a-changin'. We might not be there yet, but we're headed in the right direction. I can sense it...no, I can feel it! and I know you can too. So take a breath and say with with me....PLAYOFFS!!!1

Unfortunately, this whole week had it's downs too. On to a topic I didn't think I would have to talk about. Not this year, anyway.

First and foremost, I love Roy Halladay. I don't know if I've ever adored an athlete on a Toronto team as much as him (and I'm a total homer). The Leafs are my favourite team of all time but I love the franchise as a whole. Individually? It's gotta be Doc.

Doc is the greatest professional, the most professional of all professionals if you must. His intensity is unmatched and totally genuine yet he's humble and a total class act. His journey as a straight flamethrowing prospect to his class A demotion really makes cheering for him sort of like cheering for the underdog despite knowing that there's a chance you will see him throw a no hitter that night. Not even the most vile of fans (read: Massholes) have the heart to boo this guy because he simply doesn't have any dirt on him for them to get on.

Unfortunately, as much as we didn't want it to happen, we all knew this day would come. The day the talks of trading Doc would fill the papers, the day we would have to sit here and read foolish trade proposals on rival sites, the day American outlets will start salivating at the thought of the best pitcher in baseball playing for an American team. Shit, when was the last time you saw this much Blue Jays coverage in the American media? Despite all that, I'm still calling it what it is...the sensationalization of a non-story! If Gretzky could get traded, anybody could but that doesn't mean they're being shopped. It just means that if a team really wants this guy and overpays grandly, then they can have him. There is only one scenario where I can even think of actively shopping Doc; if there's no chance the Jays can sign him to an extension. Truth is, Doc would love to stay with the team that drafted him and never gave up on him. He's just loyal like that. But if Rogers won't open up the wallet, there's no way he's staying. No, I'm not taking Richard Griffin's suggestion in that we restructure his contract just so that he earns a million more than Burnett. I'm proposing that Rogers pony up the cash and grab some talent and show Doc that they're focused on winning. We all know that Doc isn't about the money. I mean, what can you do with $20M that you can't do with $16M?

While I'm confident Doc will remain a Jay for the rest of the year, I'm already dreading this discussion next year because come next year the columns are no longer meaningless. As much as I would like Rogers to spend the cash, I just don't see it happening. They will fall back on the lame recession excuse to try and justify it (while raising our cable and phone bills), thank Doc for his dozen years of service and just ship him off. As a Blue Jays fan, it's a story that I have read too many times. 2011 will be a dreadful season to watch without the Doctor leading the charge...

Prove me wrong, Rogers...prove me wrong...