Saturday, November 14, 2009

Lucky 13: Scariest NHLers

Cross any black cats yesterday? See anything strange? If you weren't aware by now, yesterday was Friday the 13th. In fine Friday the 13th fashion, I will run down some of the scariest players to ever lace them up. Here are 13 NHLers that you won't want to find in your nightmares.

#13 - Zdeno Chara

At a hulking 6'9, 255, Chara is built more like a power forward in the NBA than an NHL defenceman. While he doesn't fight often (probably because nobody is dumb enough to drop the gloves with him) you will not like him when he gets angry. When he's not busy crushing opponents or tossing them like ragdolls, he enjoys eating a good set of twins.

#12 - Gordie Howe

Here's a guy who has played in four different decades and had many offensive records until Gretzky broke them. You would think that somebody with such longevity and offensive prowess didn't like to mix it up too much but there's a reason why the Gordie Howe hat trick is a goal, assist and a fight. If you want to go into the corners with Mr. Hockey, you are guaranteed to come out with one thing; his elbow in your face.

#11 - Stu Grimson

Stu Grimson was one of the premier enforcers of the 90's. With a 6'6 frame and the nickname, The Grim Reaper, what isn't there to fear about? While his points total was rather lousy (39 points in 729 career games), he knew what his job was and amassed over 2,000 penalty minutes doing it.

#10 - Dave "The Hammer" Schultz

Schultz was a part of the infamous Broad Street Bullies teams. With Bobby Clarke being one of the biggest pricks to play in the NHL, the guy protecting him had to have had his hands full. As a result, Schultz holds the single season record for most penalty minutes with 472.

#9 - Georges Laraque

Georges seems like a nice guy, one may even think he is a gentle giant...until they see him bust some faces. Laraque is one of the best enforcers in the game today and a simple youtube search for him will verify that. Is there a scarier vegan on the face of the earth?

#8 - Dave "Tiger" Williams

Here is a player that Tie Domi idolized. That should tell you all you need to know about his toughness. While he was labeled as an enforcer, Tiger could score as well. It wasn't uncommon to see him finish a season with 40-50 points and 300 penalty minutes.

#7 - Tie Domi

By far one of the smallest enforcers to ever play the game, Domi wasn't afraid to drop them no matter how much bigger his opponent was. Domi's fighting strategy usually involved jerseying the guy and dropping bombs on him. Whether foe or fan, nobody is safe from the wrath of Tie.

#6 - Marty McSorley

There's a reason Gretzky scored 2,857 points, that reason is because he had this psychopath patrolling the ice. Lay your hands on the great one and he will get his hands on you. Just take a look at his stats and check out the teams he played on with Gretzky and without. You will notice the difference in penalty minutes.

#5 - Derek Boogaard

With a 23-9-4 fight record (according to the voters at, The Boogeyman is no joke. He is regarded as one of the top fighters in the game today. He only has 10 points in 198 games and believe me, it had nothing to do with Jacques Lemaire's coaching style. The 6'8, 257 lb enforcer only has one job and that is to destroy opponent's faces. Just as Todd Fedoruk.

#4 - Red Horner

During his playing days, there were few tougher than Horner. He led the league in penalty minutes in 8 of his 12 seasons. Horner amassed total of 1,264 penalty minutes in 490 career games. Now that might not seem like a ton but you must remember that Horner played in the 30's. To get a penalty you practically had to two-hand a guy over the face.

#3 - Bob Probert

A hockey enforcer? Scary. A drug addict? Scary. Combine the two and you get Bob Probert. In my opinion, Probert was the premier enforcer (note: I didn't say fighter because we all know who that king was) of the 90's. As insane as Probert was on the ice, he was equally as psychotic off the ice. In 2004 he had to be subdued with tasers and stun guns and in 2005 he assaulted a police officer. I definitely wouldn't want to be in this guy's bad books.

#2 - Eddie Shore

Eddie Shore is a nutcase. I'll let his wikipedia entry do the talking

"During their first practice with the Bruins, Shore strutted back and forth in front of Coutu and Cleghorn. Coutu body-slammed Shore, head-butted, elbowed, and tried to torment Shore. Coutu picked up the puck and made a rush at Shore. The two players collided. Shore held his ground and Coutu flew through the air violently crashing to the ice. Shore's ear was almost ripped off but he barely noticed it. Coutu was out cold and was out of commission for a week. Shore visited several doctors who wanted to amputate the ear, but found one who sewed it back on. After refusing anesthetic, Shore used a mirror to watch the doctor sew the ear on."


#1 - Wendel Clark

Wendel Clark was the scariest hockey player to ever play the game, hands down. This guy was basically Ovechkin before Ovechkin but with balls. He scored goals, he hit hard and dropped you faster than you could say 1967. He is also the feature of THE GREATEST YOUTUBE VIDEO OF ALL TIME!
Did I miss anybody? Who gives you nightmares? Mike Ricci? Drop em in the comments!

As an aside, 7 of the 13 players on the list are from Saskatchewan. If only I stayed in Saskatchewan, I could have became a hulking 6'4, 240 lb professional face smasher. TRUCULENCE