The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Ladies and gentlemen, the Burke era is officially here. There was no holding back, he came out guns blazing. These are the type of deals that us Leafs fans have only heard of...the deals we were expecting last trade deadline and this past draft. While we came away disappointed on both those occasions, he really made our heads turn with this one.

Like everybody else, I was completely caught off guard by the news of these deals. I stayed up until the morning watching Federer do his thing so I was still in bed when the trades went down. It was around 11:30. I feel a slight vibration (get your mind out of the gutter, you perv) and my eyes slowly opened. I just got a text message from my buddy and it read "Brian Burke is a genius!" I sprung out of bed and turned on my computer. Twitter was blowing up with activity. Who did we get? Who is gone? A day later and I can finally wrap my head around this. Sure, there's a lot of good in these two deals but like with most things, there's some bad and some ugly too.

The Good

• Elisha Cuthbert - One of the key components to this trade. The one edge Ottawa has had on us was the celebrity girlfriend factor. This pretty much gives us the upper hand in the battle of Ontario.
  

• Getting a competent goalie - Our biggest weakness this season has been our goaltending by far. With Giguere, we get a goalie that has taken his team to the Stanley Cup finals twice and came away with some hardware both times...even when he lost the series! Giguere's performance in the 2003 playoffs was one of the most clutch performances I have ever seen by a goalie. While it would be delusional to expect that same goaltender from the past, he is still miles above Toskala and at this very moment, probably a better choice than The Monster too.

• The Kids Get to Play! - We lost a goalie (if you can call him that), a defenceman and four forwards. In return we got back a goalie, a defenceman and only one forward. That opens up three forwards spots! Come on down, Hanson and Stalberg!...unfortunately Wallin will probably be filling in that last spot.
  
  
• Draft Schmaft - We essentially gave up two first round picks for Kessel and Phaneuf. Two players with star potential under the age of 25? I don't think too many GMs would shake their head at that
  
  
• #1 Centre - We are giving Matt Stajan the chance to flourish into a #1 centre that we all knew he would someday be...with Calgary! /snickers
  
  
• WE GOT SOMETHING OF VALUE FOR JASON BLAKE AND VESA TOSKALA!!! I NEVER THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD COME

The Bad

• Moustachulence - Losing this epic moustache
  
  
• High Risk - At $6.5M per season, Phaneuf is definitely a big risk. I know we all have our fingers crossed that he will not be the second coming of Bryan McCabe. Here's hoping that a change of scenery is what he needs to go back to his Norris candidate form.
  
  
• More Defence? - With almost $23M invested in our d (not including Finger's terrible contract), it will be an embarrassment if we don't improve next season. The top four of Kaberle, Phaneuf, Beauchemin and Komisarek does make me giddy...but of course I said the same thing earlier this season but with Schenn instead of Phaneuf.
  
  
• Hope - Okay, this is normally a good thing but not when you thought everybody else was giving up on this team and you wanted to get good tickets for cheap! With this new found hope, fans will be filling the seats to see Phaneuf in action. Thanks, Burke!
  

• Piritta Hannula -Or Niklas Hagman's wife as you probably know her. Sure, we get Elisha Cuthbert but I have to admit that I'm a bigger fan of Hagman's wife. Especially since she's not tainted by Sean Avery. Oh, Piritta. You will be missed.
  

The Ugly

DION PHANEUF
DA DAAAAAAA DA-DA-DA
DION PHANEUF
DA DA-DA DA

There is no denying that Dion Phaneuf is one of the ugliest human beings on this planet

One of these things do not belong in this picture
Motivation for ugly dudes. Get good in hockey. This is what $6.5M a year can nab you

The Muskoka Fiveheads
Dion's forehead compared with four other notoriously gargantuan foreheads.
Only Christina Ricci has him beat!

Inspired by words from our very own WAC
"He looks two steps behind on an evolution chart."
Looks like she nailed it

Lucky 13: My Most Hated NHLers

Since everybody loves a good list, on the 13th of every month I will compile a list of my top 13 whatever-comes-to-minds.

While watching the Leafs getting routed, I had a great idea for a list but I figured I should do my 13 most hated NHLers instead because starting off with a list of 13 ways to kill yourself may be a bit morbid.

Now there are some notable retired guys like Claude Lemieux, Ulf Samuelsson, Jeremy Roenick, etc missing from the list but that's because I'm only doing active players.

SI Player Poll's Dirtiest Player

#13 - Steve Ott

Make no mistake about it, Steve Ott is a shit disturber. His job is to get under your skin and he is great at it but there's a fine line between being a pest and being a dirty player. Steve Ott charges, hits high and gouges eyes. As with most pests nowadays, he only drops mitts against lesser opponents and turtles anytime he is confronted by a heavyweight.

Certified Douchebag Moment:

You don't see it, but he gouges the eyes of Moen in this fight. I would guess it happens at the 0:34 mark when you see Moen kicking his feet.

CAT FIGHT!!!

#12 - Alex Burrows

From pulling hair in a fight to hitting a summer rec league goalie in the face I simply don't know how anybody aside from annoying Canucks fans can like this guy.

Certified Douchebag Moment:

Hair pulling commences at the 1:23 mark.

Here is Blake celebrating what is probably the 2nd goal in a 8-2 loss

#11 - Jason Blake

Now I hated this guy when he was on the Islanders so you can imagine how I felt when we signed him long-term. He was always a bit of an after-the-whistle agitator, a puck hog and an excessive celebrator. As much as I hated him as an Islander, at least he scored for them. If I see him take a shot into the opposing goalie's chest one more time...

Certified Douchebag Moment:

Just so you know, it's okay to pass to the guys in blue.

The reverse Thomas-Missile

#10 - Tim Thomas

Now I really shouldn't hate on Tim Thomas. I mean, he's such a feel good story. A career minor leaguer who finally gets his big break and ends up winning a Vezina? Disney, I'm sure you'll want to pick up the rights on this. But when Thomas isn't busy doing his best Ron Hextall impression (acting like a tough guy until Felix Potvin breaks your face) or participating in the 100m dash after losing in OT, he is busy launching his body at opposing players.

Certified Douchebag Moment:

I'm still not sure why there wasn't a penalty on this play...

For 4 easy payments of $9.99, you can get your own Alex the ragdoll today!

#9 - Alexei Kovalev

Alexei Kovalev possesses a great shot and has possibly the best hands in the NHL but lacks the heart to put it all together. The way he turns it on and off makes him one of the most frustrating players to watch. Remember when there were talks of him being traded to the Leafs?

Certified Douchebag Moment:

Go Habs Go!

Mike Ribeiro must be part Chinese because I haven't seen diving this good since Beijing

#8 - Mike Ribeiro

Sure Ribeiro is crazy good at shoot outs but he's also the biggest diver in the league. This is actually embarassing to watch and is a total disgrace to the game. And what the hell happened to I before E except after C when spelling his name?

Certifed Douchebag Moment:

The cleanest player in the NHL joins the cleanest team in the NHL

#7 - Chris Pronger

Captain elbows, as sleza likes to call him, doesn't have eight suspensions to his name for being squeaky clean. Unfortunately, he doesn't just use his elbows and he will resort to cheap shots, kicks and even stomps to make sure he gets some time off from the rink and some one-on-one time with the local reporters.

Certified Douchebag Moment:

Here's Pronger's audition tape for the role in Saw.

Mommy!

#6 - Todd Bertuzzi

He was once known as one of the most dominant power forwards in the NHL and now he is probably known as one of the biggest goons in the NHL. Sure it might be unfair to label him after one incident but the bad spotlight he has put on the league is still hurting us and detractors will always use this one incident as why the NHL is a violent product.

Certified Douchebag Moment:

Does this really come as a surprise to anyone?

Why does it seem like everybody with Napoleon Complex plays in the NHL?

#5 - Jordin Tootoo

Tootoo made a name for himself nailing players in the World Junior's years back and now he's making a name for himself as a cheapshot artist in the NHL.

Certified Douchebag Moment:

Jordin Tootoo taking a page out of the Flyers playbook.

Esa Tikkanen 2.0 - Now with more biting power

#4 - Jaarko Ruutu

When I think of Finland, I think of their line of NHL goalies, Selanne's awesomeness and man-purse wielding wannabe NHLers. I seldom think of pesky turtlers who have cannibal tendencies.

Certified Douchebag Moment:

Tastes like chicken.

Ring my Bell

#3 - Daniel Alfredsson

From mocking the Sundin stick incident to intentionally firing the puck at Niedermayer, Alfredsson sure has a number of d-bag moments. I think there's only one that fits the bill in every Leafs fans' eye though.

Certified Douchebag Moment:

This just made the series win that much sweeter.

Chris Neil trying to retract his head back into his shell

#2 - Chris Neil

Words cannot describe how much I despise this guy. I can't stop watching this.

Certified Douchebag Moment:

I love it when he clutches his face at the end.

Reunited and it feels so goooood

#1 - Sean Avery

I have a hard time picking just one

Certified Douchebag Moment:

Marty should have Belfour'd him.

Well, there you have it. Agree of disagree, let me know your thoughts. Who'd I leave out? Who do I have that doesn't belong on here? Who is possibly more douche-ier than Avery?